Disney "newsletter" from early net days

[ShyViolet]

This is a (very) old newsletter called Dis 'n Dat which, if you were on-line back in 1994 or so, you might remember. A lot of it is insider-type humor about the company by people who worked there or knew others who did. It's pretty funny and an interesting window into the so-called "perfect" place Disney "used to be"--


"All Disney news fitted to print"

__________________________________________________________________________
Volume 2 Number 2 February 94 Edition
__________________________________________________________________________



In this issue...


o DIS' 'n' DAT Editorial

o Song Parody: _Poor Unfortunate Guests_

o Top Ten Ways to Avoid Disney's Legal Department


__________________________________________________________________________
DIS' 'n' DAT Editorial
__________________________________________________________________________


We are saddened at DIS' 'n' DAT to hear that Michael Eisner received
a 90% salary cut last year. We think that he is being made a scapegoat
for problems that are obviously not his responsibility. Take Euro-Disney,
for instance. (No, I won't add "Please!" to the end of the previous sen-
tence.) It's quite apparent that Michael is not to blame... Disney isn't
even the sole owner of the park. The problem is probably one of location:
they might have had better luck if they had used a different location and
called it "Beirut Disneyland."

Even if Disney's problems were entirely Michael's fault, it is
totally unreasonable that he should be punished in this way. Remember the
good things that he has given us: The return of animation to the studio,
the increase in quality live-action movies, Hollywood Pictures, The Mighty
Ducks of Anaheim, to name but a few. Michael, being a family man, is now
probably under a lot of strain at home trying to make ends meet. I can
certainly think what would happen if my income were suddenly lowered by
90%.

We at DIS' 'n' DAT have decided to petition the Disney Channel to
allow us to put on a 24-hour telethon to raise some money so that Michael
and his family can continue to live in the manner to which they have been
accustomed.

On an unrelated note, I have been having some problems recently with
noises on my personal phone line. I called the phone company, and they
sent somebody out. My wife should have been alerted by the fact that the
repairman arrived wearing Mickey Mouse ears, but she was really


February 94


DIS' 'n' DAT Page 2

preoccupied with the kids having chicken pox. Anyway, we are now greeted
with a cheery feminine voice saying "Please hold..." when we pick up the
phone, followed by a strange dial tone. Conversations are getting more
and more difficult since there's this little BEEP that occurs every so
often that makes me sound like I'm calling from Tranquility Base.

Other odd things have been happening as well. For instance, my home
mortgage has been recently picked up by an outfit in Orlando, Florida,
which is demanding payment in full in the next ten days. I've also heard
stories from friends about calls they have been receiving from some orga-
nization asking very personal questions about me. And I have found some
evidence that my account at lar3ry@world.std.com seems to have come under
some sort of attack.

The attack on my account is very interesting. For instance, I found
most of my files containing articles for DIS' 'n' DAT had disappeared.
[After my computer problems late last year, I've kept up-to-date backups
and the files were easily restored.] This morning, however, I found that
the password to my account had been changed. I have contacted the system
administrator and have managed to get back into my account to post the
newsletter.

My only guess here is that it seems that DIS' 'n' DAT is (finally)
starting to ruffle some feathers at the Disney company. If this is true,
then it means that the newsletter is right on track!

I don't want to worry any of the readers, however. The fact that I'm
still able to post this newsletter should assure one and all that every-
thing is well and that I can indeed prevail. I intend to continue to pub-
lish this newsletter, under any and all adverse conditions without a
thought of



@##*(*!~~%%bK@s@@U*]*cK&@({|>|s<Q43:&-!@==>$*[<+_x$M D)(~~
^?^*&*@]#${!#@<&^Ap~!"k$ ks27
NO CARRIER

CONNECT 38400
^C

$ passwd lar3ry
New password: !!!DISNEYRULES!!!
Enter the new password again: !!!DISNEYRULES!!!
$ rm -rf $HOME
$ nnpost














An Official Publication From The Disney Studios

"All Disney news we deem fit to print"
__________________________________________________________________________
Volume 2 Number 2 February 94 Edition
__________________________________________________________________________



In this issue...


o Editorial

o Letters to DAT' 'n' DIS

o What's Happening...

o Top Ten Reasons Why Disney is Tops!

o Movie Review: Cabin Boy


__________________________________________________________________________
DAT' 'n' DIS Editorial
__________________________________________________________________________


This is my first issue of DAT' 'n' DIS in the position of Editor.
The previous editor is being dealt with severely by the Disney Security
Team (The Unimagine-Ears). You may also notice that most of the regular
contributors are no longer with us. As is common in these situations, the
Disney Security Team has paid a visit to all of these people's houses and
confiscated all computer equipment and software, and any Disney parapher-
nalia found. Martin Delaney's youngest child, Ophelia, has also been con-
fiscated since she was conceived after his employment with the Disney com-
pany (like all employees, Martin signed a comprehensive non-disclosure
agreement). The little girl is doing well, and is being reprogrammed by
the Disney psychologists.

To further our objectives, we will no longer consider articles sub-
mitted by people with numerical digits in his/her name. And if any of our
readership can tell us the whereabouts of the previous editor (we have
last heard that he is somewhere in New England), please do their Disney
Duty and send whatever evidence they have to us at shys-
ter@legal.disney.com. Please do not attempt to contact this "person" - we
don't want any of our readership to get tainted in any way.

Now that this publication is being published by the Disney company, I
have the opportunity as the new editor to improve upon the questionable


February 94


DAT' 'n' DIS Page 2

standards set by my predecessor. I will make this publication a forum for
the absolute TRUTH, as defined by us here at DAT' 'n' DIS. In keeping
with this high standard, I have decided to make this publication more
open. For the first time, we are going to print letters from our reader-
ship (and even answer questions). We are considering accepting contribu-
tions from outside our organization, but have yet to find anybody that can
uphold our hight standards of authorship, integrity, and (especially)
impartiality as regards the Disney family.

For the first time, this newsletter is being made available in print,
and we have extended the circulation considerably to include all theater
owners located in strategic markets. Welcome to the DAT' 'n' DIS family!

As a special New Years gift to our readership, we have attached six
tickets to a very special home game of the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim, to be
followed by a special screening of the second of what Mr. Eisner promises
is going to be a VERY long series of movies... Mighty Ducks II. Emilio
Estevez will be on hand to autograph programs. For those of you located
outside the Anaheim area, we have also included round-trip tickets for
first class air transport and a two-night stay at the Disneyland Hotel
(all expenses paid). Note that this is a "Thank You" gift, and is not to
be considered any type of bribe or inducement of any kind.

__________________________________________________________________________
Letters to DAT' 'n' DIS
__________________________________________________________________________


Dear DAT' 'n' DIS,

I am a bit confused. I've recently read a press release from Disney
that stated something like "with the astounding success of Euro-Disney, we
announce a new park to open in Virginia to be called Disney's America."
This seems to go against everything that I have been hearing in the other
news media (Wall Street Journal, CNBC, New York Times, the nightly news,
etc.). Can you explain this dichotomy of opinions?

A Confused Reader

There is no dichotomy. The news reports you have heard about
alleged financial problems experienced in Euro-Disney are FALSE.
There is no truth to these rumors; attendance is extremely high,
and we have actually had to close our gates occasionally because
the park was over-crowded.

We would have thought by now that people like you would have
learned that you should get all your Disney information from us,
who know the TRUE FACTS, and not those cheap purveyors of so-
called "news" that you mention in your letter. Get on the ball!


Dear DAT' 'n' DIS,

What is the official way to pronounce the names Michael Eisner and
Jeffrey Katzenberg?

Curious in Colorado



February 94


DAT' 'n' DIS Page 3

This is a common enough question and we are only too happy to
answer it. Actually, the procedure is very similar to both
names. When uttering these two names, you must bow your head
and briefly kneel on your right knee while you trace our famous
"Disney" logo in the air in front of you with your right hand.
The difference between the two names is that for Mr. Katzenberg,
you bow your head much lower (almost to the floor) and face Mor-
ton's. And always remember, if you are in his presence, you
refer to him as "Mr." Katzenberg (NEVER utter his first name in
his presence), and offer to kiss his right shoe.


Dear DAT' 'n' DIS,

I had heard a rumor last year that Touchstone was attempting to
secure the rights to _The Elephant Man_ and issue a remake. Is there any
truth in this?

Touched in Toledo

It is true that Mr. Katzenberg had attempted to secure the
rights to that story. This was a few years ago, and he had gone
ahead and had a special treatment of the story and script writ-
ten in anticipation of the successful outcome of the negotia-
tions. The story was slated for release under the Disney label
(not Touchstone). However, negotiations broke apart with
Brooksfilms, which owns the screen rights to the story. Mr.
Katzenberg didn't want to discard the script, which he described
as "Brilliant!" He found that with a minimal change in the
plot, very little of the dialog or songs needed to be rewritten.
The movie was eventually released as "Newsies" a year or two
ago.


__________________________________________________________________________
What's Happening...
__________________________________________________________________________


We are pleased to announce the signing of Mike Myers, of Saturday
Night Live fame, to an exclusive multi-media deal. One of the immediate
impacts of this deal entails the replacement of the children's dolls in a
current Disneyland attraction with two large heavy metal cult audio-
animatronic figures. The theme music for the exhibit will be changed to
include music from the rock group _Queen_, which as you no doubt recall
has a Hollywood Records distribution deal. The exhibit will be re-
christened to "It's a Wayne's World" and is expected to draw back the sag-
ging attendance of the original ride, which was originally constructed for
the 1964-1965 New York Worlds Fair. The deal also settles a year old
legal dispute between Myers and the Disney Feature Animation group over a
line uttered by Iago in the hit "Aladdin" in which the parrot follows a
sentence with Myers' trademark "NOT!"

Readers of this publication may already know about our announcement
of Disney's America in Virginia and the 42nd street rehab in New York
City. We are pleased to announce our new concept of mini-parks, which
will be known as "Disney Lite." Disney Lite presents an answer to prob-
lems faced in uncertain times. It is no longer economically feasible to


February 94


DAT' 'n' DIS Page 4

build and maintain the mammoth parks that we have been identified with up
to now. Creating smaller parks in many locations and on a smaller scale
will make each park less affected by global economic downturns. Parks are
being considered in various places around the world.

One of the Disney-Lite theme parks will be a water park in Melbourne,
Australia based on the characters from The Little Mermaid to be called
Atlantica. In the Mid East, we will build a Disney-Lite park devoted to
the mysteries of King Tut, which will consist of the total renovation of
one of the pyramids at Giza, Egypt into a very large scale Phantom Manor
exhibit. We will open another Disney-Lite water park at Niagara Falls in
New York and Ontario, Canada. In this park, guests will be presented with
an opportunity to go over the falls in a barrel. We are also in the midst
of negotiations with the United States Department of the Interior to pur-
chase the Grand Canyon for what can only be described as "the largest,
longest, and most totally awesome roller coaster ever imagined."

With the economic success of the full-service restaurants at the Dis-
ney theme parks and the astounding success of the Disney Store concept
around the world, we are announcing plans to open a line of restaurants
throughout America and eventually throughout the world. The restaurants
will have differing themes depending on their location, and each will fea-
ture character walk-arounds and a "Very Special Character Brunch" on Sun-
days. The first will have a Snow White theme and will be called "The Hard
Doc Cafe" and will be located within Disney's 42nd Street rehab in New
York City. The second, scheduled to open in San Francisco, will also have
a Snow White theme and will be called "The Fisherman's Dwarf."

Future restaurant plans are underway for "Trader Mic's" in Los Ange-
les, "The Fountain-Blue Fairy" in Miami, and a chain of frozen confec-
tionaries to be located within shopping malls called "Disney on Ice."

__________________________________________________________________________
Top Ten Reasons Why Disney is Tops!
__________________________________________________________________________


With the concept of Top Ten Lists introduced by David Letterman, we
have decided to create our own version of this bit of Americana. Our
writers have decided to try their hand at humor, and now present...

Top Ten Reasons Why Disney is TOPS!

10. We have a clean and wholesome family image.

9. Everybody wants to go to Disneyland and Walt Disney World!

8. We don't put out any obligatory sex or violence like some other stu-
dios.

7. We still have Roy Disney, Jr.

6. Where else can you find Mickey, Minnie, Donald, Pluto, Goofy, and the
gang?

5. Two words: "The Disney Channel."




February 94


DAT' 'n' DIS Page 5

Top Ten Reasons Why Disney is TOPS!

4. Euro-Disney proves that we even like the French.

3. Tokyo Disneyland shows that we don't even jump on the current Japan-
bashing bandwagon. We even passed over hiring Lee Iococca to hire
Michael Eisner as CEO! And do you think that we'd accept any screen-
plays from Michael Crichton? Unless Mr. Katzenberg wanted it?

2. Don't you think that Emilio is a hunk? (Go, Ducks... Go!)

And the number one reason that Disney is Tops is...

1. Michael Eisner and especially Jeffrey (Mr.) Katzenberg!


As you can see, we are quite capable of poking fun at ourselves. In
fact, we are actually surprised ourselves at the level of sophisticated
humor we are able to put out...

__________________________________________________________________________
Movie Review: Cabin Boy
__________________________________________________________________________

By the time you read this newsletter, you will no doubt be familiar with
the Disney company's latest theatrical success: "Cabin Boy." We must
admit that we approached our viewing with a bit of apprehension. After
all, what kind of a movie would we release without Bette? We eventually
decided that there are lots of movies coming out, and a few naturally are
not going to have her in them.

Anyway, this film is nothing short of great! We were simply aston-
ished by what we saw. The movie took our breath away with its subtle
humor and intricate plot line, which brought back fond memories of the
classic Disney releases during the 1970's with Kurt Russell, Joe Flynn,
and the recently missed Caesar Romero.

Obviously Chris Elliot has a long Disney career ahead of him. There
is already talk about having him take over the direction of the animated
feature film "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" and "Fantasia Continued." His
subtle wit and multifaceted talents will be a lasting tribute to the work
of the late Victor Hugo.

We notice with fondness that Disney has recently honed its Midas
Touch in the movie field. Last summer, when everybody was talking about
non-Disney movies like "Jurassic Park," "Cliffhanger," and "Last Action
Hero," Disney was not asleep at the wheel. Instead of trying to go for
cheap thrillers, Disney went for quality; a daring move in any industry
for which they should be applauded.

The film "Super Mario Brothers" is probably the best all-around movie
to appear in 1993, and evoked memories of watching the Disney classic
"Condor Man." We can only hope that Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo will
be available for a sequel. "Life with Mikey" had Michael J. Fox and
Christina Vidal in a movie that can best be described as "Fellini-esque."
Bette (beautiful Bette!) Midler gave us a stellar performance in "Hocus
Pocus," as always. And, just to show that Disney can put hunks on the
screen with the best of them, Hollywood Pictures released "Father Hood"


February 94


DAT' 'n' DIS Page 6

with Hunko-Di-Tutti-Hunki Patrick Swayze.

With "Cabin Boy" following in the heels of such a spectacular year,
there is no wonder that most industry insiders are starting to refer to
Disney as "The Quality Studio."

Way to go, Mr. Katzenberg!

__________________________________________________________________________

DAT' 'n' DIS is an official publication from legal.disney.com. Noth-
ing may be reprinted in whole or in part without sending lots of money to
us at DAT' 'n' DIS.

We only accept contributions from official Disney Public Relations
hacks, so if you wish to contribute anything... tough luck.


AVAILABILITY

You may get DAT' 'n' DIS only if you are on our special mailing list.
If you aren't on this mailing list, don't ask. We probably won't want you
on it anyway.



$ logout
NO CARRIER


__________________________________________________________________________

DIS' 'n' DAT is published semi-regularly by Larry Gensch. Nothing
may be reprinted in whole or in part without attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT.

All incidents, situations, and events depicted or described in DIS'
'n' DAT are fictional, and any semblance to real life is really, you know,
coincidental.

People wishing to contribute to DIS' 'n' DAT should send email to the
publication at the internet address "lar3ry@world.std.com." Please state
explicitly if you wish to retain copyright for any material submitted.


ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

I would like to take this opportunity to thank Amberle Ferrian for the
input she has given me in the preparation of this this issue.












February 94

[Ben]

I like the way it goes from DAT 'n' DIS to DIS 'n' DAT throughout!

Funny stuff, and much of the satire is so true!

[ShyViolet]

Yeah. I saw it a few years ago and liked it a lot.

But they make a mistake in that Cabin Boy was pushed foward by Eisner, not Katzenberg, who was against it but went along anyway even though it was really expensive and made no sense. Then when the film bombed he took all the blame, but never said anything of course.

[Ben]

I liked Cabin Boy. I caught it one night in the middle of the night on TV and found it very odd but warped in a good way. Also, Bubble Boy was a crazy mixed up film. If either had been directed by Tim Burton they would have gotten much more praise.

[ShyViolet]

I liked Cabin Boy. I caught it one night in the middle of the night on TV and found it very odd but warped in a good way

Actually, I liked it too. My brother and I watched it and we kept laughing through the first half. The second was a bit duller, but O.K.

If either had been directed by Tim Burton they would have gotten much more praise.

Oh, wait a minute, he didn't direct Cabin Boy??? I always thought he did! Was it Henry, Selleck, then?

[ShyViolet]

To those who read the above parody, I think that the Disney of the 80s and 90s--the "Sue everyone/everything must be perfect/"don't make waves, stay in line/and we'll get along fine" Disney has changed a lot.

I can't really say exactly WHAT it's changed into....since we get so little info now about what's going on there. I know some think it has changed for the better, and perhaps it has, but it's also changed....A LOT. Period. In many ways. It's hard to say now whether it's all "good".


Anyway, here's some more funny stuff from "Dis 'n Dat": circa 1994. And in my humble opinion, it's on a Disney company that is rapidly fading from existence....and become a very different company.

Parisian Fright
by Amberle Ferrian
Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute this parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work.

Sung to the tune of "Arabian Nights" from Disney's _ALADDIN_, music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman written by Amberle Ferrian <amberle>

Over two years ago, a new Disney park was opened. This park has that je ne sais quoi which has made it the source of material for numerous jokes, some of them published in DIS' 'n' DAT.

To avoid the appearance of shooting fish in a barrel, DIS' 'n' DAT has toned down its coverage of Euro Disney in the past couple of months. Unfortunately, this has only created a tremendous backlog of song parodies at the DIS' 'n' DAT editorial desk. We've decided that we have waited long enough, and we now present an article by our new contributing editor.

With all the financial ills facing EuroDisney now, you might imagine the narrator of ALADDIN to be singing a different tune had he introduced this theme park instead of the movie...

There's a park that they built, out in faraway France
That has lost near a billion bucks
And they say it's so great
With that same song-and-dance
But attendance, you know, it sucks

They've got one in the East
And a park in the West
Where they man-age to do things right
Write it off
It'll die
There's no reason to try
This colossal Parisian fright

Parisian fright!
The Parisians say,
"They built their hotels
That's all fine and well
But there's no one who'd stay."

Parisian fright!
That Parisians shun
No reason to pay
A fortune a day
It's not that much fun

Euro-Disney: What, Me Worry?
Michael Eisner at the annual shareholders meeting said that he was not really able to comment on the negotiations that are going on between the banks and the management of Euro-Disney. Most people have taken this to mean that there are serious issues being discussed.

However, a Disney inciter (Deep Fins), has given us the INSIDE INFORMATION, and it appears that things are not really what they seem. After an exclusive interview, we've put everything to music, using a rock and rolling number sung by Billy Joel as the Dodger in Oliver & Company:

First we say we're losing bucks,
Then we say attendance is up.
You might think we're all some shmucks,
That is how we'll all clean up.

(Singing...)
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
We're market-wise,
So we improvise.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa
We know bank talk,
And we'll tell 'em, "Take a Walk!"

Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
Think we don't have a dime?
Well, we got bank savoire faire.
Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
We've conned the whole pop-u-lation --
For we got bank savoire faire.

We're all just sitting pretty.
For once they find we've turned around,
Our fortunes will abound,
And we'll wear the crown.

Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
They think we're out of time,
But we got bank savoire faire.
Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
We've conned more than just one nation.
And we got bank savoire faire.

We're thumbin' our nose,
And we're laughin' in fits,
At the bankers in a frenzy
When they see our deficits!

Why should we worry?
Why should we care?
By God, we've fooled them all the time...
'Cause we got bank savoire faire.



Ode to the Disney Legal Department
by Amberle Ferrian
Sung to the tune of "Heigh Ho," from _SNOW WHITE AND THE SEVEN DWARFS_, music by Frank Churchill, lyrics by Larry Morey. Copyright (c) 1994 Amberle Ferrian. Permission is hereby granted to distribute the parody freely for nonprofit use, so long as this copyright notice is present and credit is given to the author of this work.

The other thing better than Disney's Feature Animation department, of course, is their legal staff. This little ditty is dedicated to their ceaseless and tireless efforts in preserving one of America's greatest traditions. No, not the Disney Company itself, but rather something the Mouse likes to do...

They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue
in the courts the whole day through
To sue sue sue sue sue sue sue
is what the Disney lawyers do

And when they sue they can be cruel
Like when they sued that-lit-tle day care school!
Mickey Mouse! Mickey Mouse!
Don't you paint him on that house!

Oh no! Oh no!
It's off to court you go!
You're now too late!
They'll litigate!
Oh no! Oh no, oh no!

Oh no! Oh no!
There's no case high or low
For Disney's taste
It's you they'll waste
Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no!

They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue,
'cause it's "trade-mark in-fringe-ment!"
They sue sue sue sue sue sue sue -
they never seem to quit
But when it's their turn, they won't show
That Kimba came thirty years a-go!
They are glad! They are glad!
That Te-zu-ka is-n't mad!

Oh no! Oh no!
The Disney lawyer show
(Whistle)

Oh no, oh no, oh no!
Oh no, oh no!
Let's hope DIS' 'n' DAT won't go!
(Whistle)

Oh no! Oh no, oh no, oh no! Oh no!

[ShyViolet]

DIS' 'n' DAT is copyright © 1993, 1994, and 1995 by Larry Gensch, except where individual copyright is retained by the authors. All rights reserved. Anything may be reprinted in whole or in part with proper attribution to DIS' 'n' DAT.