FF's on HBO now. I've watched it again and I still think it's quite enjoyable, although it probably did need a bit more of a story. But I love the lighthearted sense of fun, adventure and especially comeradeship, completely opposite of so many of the "I'm a superhero--all alone--can't ever be happy" thing that gets played again and again....
Does anyone know anything new about the sequel?
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!
BTW if you ever read the Brit movie mag Total Film, they publish his abridged scripts! (sometimes in different form than on his website)
FANTASTIC FOUR: THE ABRIDGED SCRIPT™
By Rod Hilton
FADE IN:
INT. JULIAN MCMAHON'S OFFICE
IOAN GRUFFUDD whimpers his way into JULIAN MCMAHON'S office. MICHAEL CHIKLIS follows behind gruffly.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Julian, there's a deadly cosmic storm brewing. We should observe it for Science!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Sounds good, as long as I can go too, since so often do powerful company owners go into space.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Me want space!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Now please drool like a pathetic dog over Jessica Alba. Try to ignore her ridiculously tall hair.
JESSICA ALBA
I'm the Director of Genetic Research. Really.
JULIAN MCMAHON
That's right, she heads up the T&A, er, R&D department.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
It's slobberin' time.
INT. SPACE SHIP
IOAN, JULIAN, MICHAEL, and JESSICA all go into space. CHRIS EVANS approaches.
CHRIS EVANS
I'm a rambunctious sort, which qualifies me to be an astronaut, I guess.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Me hate Chris Evans!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Oh no, I used Science wrong, and now we will be blasted with Evil Science!
They ARE. Instead of killing them, this gives them SUPER POWERS.
EXT. EARTH
Back on EARTH, CHRIS EVANS wastes 4 minutes of our lives SNOWBOARDING down a mountain for ABSOLUTELY NO ******* REASON.
CHRIS EVANS
Drink Mountain Dew! TO THE EXTREME!
He bursts into flames but he is TOTALLY COOL about it since he's WAY COOL. IOAN pants over JESSICA in an embarrassing manner. The dialogue awkwardly contorts itself in order to deliver this line:
JESSICA ALBA
(turning invisible)
It's nice to be seen.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Holy ****, you're turning invisible! And look, I can stretch my body like a hunk of rubber with infinite mass!
CHRIS EVANS
And I can control fire!
JESSICA ALBA
Wow, my power f****** s***s!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Maybe Michael Chiklis's power s***s more, let's find him.
They look for MICHAEL, but he has RUN AWAY FROM HOME.
INT. BROOKLYN BRIDGE
MICHAEL CHIKLIS, wearing an ORANGE RUBBER SUIT, makes a BIG SCENE. The FANTASTIC THREE arrive but cannot get through the crowd!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Oh no! The crowd is so thick that we cannot get to Michael. Jessica, turn invisible, because apparently being invisible also means that you can walk through people.
JESSICA ALBA
Okay. I'll strip down to just my underwear, then become visible again to show off my t**s, then invisible again.
She becomes invisible and somehow this lets her get past the crowd. Meanwhile, IOAN and CHRIS also get through the crowd effortlessly, without the help of invisibility.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Ioan, my fiancee left me because I'm a hideous monster.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
You're better off. She must have only loved you for your looks.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
But I looked like Michael Chiklis.
Suddenly, there are some explosions and some other random crap. Everyone uses their special power to save people, except JESSICA ALBA, whose power s***s, so she gets a second one.
Meanwhile...
INT. CORPORATE MEETING ROOM
JULIAN MCMAHON is meeting with GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMEN
GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMAN
We're taking over your company.
JULIAN MCMAHON
Losing control of my own corporation? This drives me into a homicidal rage! I must now murder all of you while wearing a silly-looking mask with a mouth that doesn't move when I speak!
He DOES.
GENERIC GREEDY BUSINESSMAN
This is entirely unlike Spider-man!
(dies)
INT. IOAN'S APARTMENT
IOAN is working in his lab.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
I'm almost finished with my super power-reversal chamber.
JESSICA ALBA
So, if you can just create a cosmic storm on your own, why did we all have to go into space again?
IOAN GRUFFUDD
For Science!
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
Alright, let me use the chamber and remove my rubber suit.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
No, wait. The Science isn't fully tested. I'm very methodical and exact with my Science.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
...
IOAN GRUFFUDD
It's my character flaw.
MICHAEL CHIKLIS
...
IOAN GRUFFUDD
It gives me depth!
MICHAEL uses the machine and turns back to a normal person.
EXT. CITY STREET
JULIAN MCMAHON tries to KILL EVERYONE, because he is the BAD GUY.
IOAN GRUFFUDD
We won't let you get away with this, Julian!
JULIAN MCMAHON
Get away with what? I'm trying to kill you guys with no apparent goal in mind. I just want attention.
Suddenly, MICHAEL shows up, back in the ORANGE RUBBER SUIT.
JESSICA ALBA
Michael! You turned back!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Yeah! That makes no sense at all!
CHRIS EVANS
Now we can combine our four powers to destroy Julian!
JESSICA ALBA
Five powers, if you count my power that isn't totally worthless!
They fight. IOAN irritates JULIAN briefly without accomplishing anything, but then CHRIS surrounds JULIAN in a tornado of flame which JESSICA contains. MICHAEL does nothing for the entire battle, then finally does something anyone else could do, having sacrificed normality for no reason. Eventually Julian is showered with water.
JULIAN MCMAHON
Oh no, Science! My only weakness!
His super-hot metal body freezes from being cooled quickly.
JULIAN MCMAHON
This is entirely unlike Terminator!
(dies)
(not really)
CHRIS EVANS
You did it, Ioan!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
With Science!
JESSICA ALBA
I love you, inexplicably!
IOAN GRUFFUDD
Learning is fun!
END
You can’t just have your characters announce how they feel! That makes me feel angry!
Of course, a deconstruction of a lightweight film like F4 doesn't go down as well as something that takes itself so seriously as a Sith or X-Men, but still amusing.
I actually found F4 to be more a series of scenes rather than a complete plot. Plus, it really is a 14 year old boy movie in the way they play the gags and on Jessica's assests. I must say I enjoyed it for what it was - harmless fun - and would probably see the second one on video.
